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'Twas the night before Christmas: Political Edition

By Jenee Cruise

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the United States Not a creature was stirring, not even Bill Gates The stocks were hung on the market with care, In hopes that Trump-sized booms soon would be there. Congress was nestled all snug in their beds, While visions of SCOTUS nominations danced in their heads; And Brett with his beer, and Ashley free of disappointment, Had just settled down for a lifetime appointment. When out in the mall there arose such a clatter, POTUS sprang from his bed to see what was the matter. Away to the window he flew like a flash, Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash. Down from the air came Marine Force One, FLOTUS departed wearing Louboutin. But what to his wondering eyes should appear, but a man following behind her with a fancy new beard, A little old Texan so well versed and well read, He knew in a moment it must be Lyin' Ted. More rapid than eagles, the reporters they came, And whistled and shouted the latest news without shame Now gun control, now midterms, a blue wave is approaching On Beto, on Abrahams, on Nelson and Florida voter poaching To the top one percent! To taxes that never fall, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is shouting, "Free college, free healthcare, free housing for all!" As the RINOS go back on their promises, it's no surprise For the swamp is filled with big egos and lies, They talk the big talk to put on a show, No one takes action, except maybe Lindsey Graham 2.0. Down from the White House Trump's eyes, they sure flew, Back to Fox News and CNN too,   And then in a twinkling he heard the phone ring, It was Putin, the Russian king. As he answered the call, in Melania came, so he hung up with Putin, what a shame. She was dressed in all fur from her head to her toe, wearing the finest selection from Valentino. A cup of hot coffee she had in her hand, To give to her husband, the leader of the land. Her eyes how they sparkled, her smile how Merry! Her cheeks were like roses, her face like a fairy! Her small, little mouth, was drawn up like a bow, and the color of her teeth, as white as snow! She came bearing bad news that would stab like a thorn Nikki Haley was resigning, America would need to mourn A wink of Haley's eye and a twist of her head Soon gave Trump to know, he had nothing to dread; She spoke not a word, but gave a sweet little smirk, And assured Americans this wasn't the last of her work The President and First Lady settled down for the night, And turned on some music, so merry and bright. Singing along to the song with pride, The couple danced and laughed to 'Baby, It's Cold Outside" They danced and they laughed, not a worry in sight, When the clock struck twelve they shouted-- "Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"

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